we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There's always time for handjobs
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
