He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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