it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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