a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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