Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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