how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just found puke in my bra..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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