All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
