I want you more than these girls want KFC
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
