have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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