I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
