She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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