he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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