I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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