she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
