Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
how does that bad decision feel?
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