Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
