the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Someone came in the potted fern
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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