Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
