Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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