Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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