i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
