u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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