There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
