I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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