we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
