My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
