I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
