She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
