a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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