I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My vagina just recognized that song.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
