The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
