There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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