Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
