hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
