Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
