whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There's always time for handjobs
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
