If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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