We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I looked at my own cervix.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
