i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
