I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
