I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
