that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
