omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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