Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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