he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I could fuck to npr.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
