I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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