Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
