um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
