you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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