I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
