wake up i wanna do it froggy style
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
