So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
