just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
