i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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