she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
my poor anus
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
