i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Dick very happy bro
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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