so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Houston, we have a blender
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
