Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
