I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
