I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He passed out mid-signature
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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