Is it normal to miss your booty call?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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