Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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