1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
too bad you live with your parents still
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
