You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
