i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
