I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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