There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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