the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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