When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
