He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
