I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize