When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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