Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I will pee on everything he values.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
