i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
