this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
