I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
