My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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