If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
