you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
