I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
